Three years. It took me three whole years to finally move on with my life after you emotionally and mentally destroyed me. Imagine a girl sitting in her room, balled up fists, punching her pillow, while softly sobbing so that her family can’t hear. Sometimes the cries become so hysterical, it feels like I can hardly breathe. Imagine that happening not just once, not twice, but many times throughout these years. But I remained strong on the outside, in front of everyone, I was still me. I was completely in control of my emotions and always said “yea I’m good, totally moved on from him.”
Every time I said that, I knew I was lying. I even fooled myself into thinking I was okay, I’m better… when really I was just becoming more miserable and the self-hatred became pretty severe. I hated the fact that I was heartbroken, so I started hating myself, hating the person I am. I was so foolish to think that maybe, maybe I wasn’t good enough for you. I lost complete power over myself and consumed with so much negativity. Over the years, I’ve come to rely on you on so many things in life.. you were a source of light for me. It just wasn’t me without you.
Because of you, I lost sight of who I am, where I am in life, and where I need to be going. And suddenly, this realisation sank in.. I said to myself, ” I can’t do this anymore.”
I thank you wholeheartedly for giving me one of the best and worst experiences. I want you to remember the girl who you met years ago – the bubbly, cheerful, smiling face girl – who was able to see right through the wall you built up around yourself. I want you to remember how much she loved and cared for you, how much she supported you and how much she was willing to sacrifice to be with you. I want you to remember all of that because I hope you are able to find someone who can give you what I tried giving you but more. The chemistry we had was undeniable, but along the way our relationship was destroyed due to certain situations. Our happiness faded, trust was betrayed and love just wasn’t strong enough to hold it together.
Thank you for putting me in the darkest place I’ve ever been to in my life. From this darkness, I’ve found myself –a better version – without all that negativity. And because I am a better me, wonderful things have happened. I can only wish the same for you.
Thank you for being a part of my life.